dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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