It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
