All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
