I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
