Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
