who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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