i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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