We should be called the Road Head Warriors
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
