I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
