Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
