Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Randomize
