Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
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