apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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