I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
