wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
