yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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