If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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