one might say we're banned from that church
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
