If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
