Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
