Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
