I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
