Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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