so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
