I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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