Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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