How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
