the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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