a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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