He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
