I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize