Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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