haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
