weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
