The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
