remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
