If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
