I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
