so explain again why im purple
no
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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