I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
