Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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