i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
