New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
