I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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