after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
