Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
