I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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