winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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