your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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