bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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