he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
