You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
