after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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