cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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