I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize