another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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