You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
