if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
