I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
