There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
