So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Is Oprah even human
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
