I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
