I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
