Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
