Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
high people should be assigned attendants
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
