Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
