I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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