I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
