Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize