Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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