Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
