listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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