I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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