Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
