But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize