Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The air was thick with penises
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
