take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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