Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
