It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
