I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She bit a glass in half.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
