I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
