Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
