You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
birth control should be required to get into college
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
