youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
