Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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