i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
